THE FIRST 2 “S”s
The Evolved part
It’s first necessary to realize this:
Being peaceful… being calm… being unshakeable and balanced does NOT mean you’re a numb lump of flesh tranquilized and unfeeling.
It does NOT mean that you’re lazy either.
Being peaceful within yourself allows you to see with clarity and act with confidence.
We make better decisions when our nervous system, our mind, and our emotions are at ease.
This reminds me…
A few years back I read a story about a young girl who was capable of a particular type of hypnosis.
She did this to herself.
She could speed up the visual process of her brain to such an extent that everything around her seemed to be moving at half-speed.
To put it to the test, she’s spar with professional aikido or karate masters.
She wasn’t well trained in fighting, but when she induced this state, she could run circles around them…
Anticipate and dodge every punch… every kick…
What a fascinating way to use the mind, right?
Well, we can do this too, to an extent.
When we’re relaxed and at peace, everything seems to slow down around us.
Our mind is quieter.
Our thoughts are, therefore, more clear.
We’re most creative when we’re in a relaxed state, when we are not full of anxiety and fear.
Enter: The first 2 “S”s.
Now, to use the “transformation” process, we’ve got to get clear about what it is that we’re altering in the first place.
That’s what these two pre-“S”s are all about.
The other 3 S’s are used consistently once you’ve implemented these first two, but you always come back to these 2 when starting again.
First, we need to isolate the feeling. What is it that you wish to transform? What specific pattern? And most importantly, what is the TRIGGER?
I’ve used this method for altering many habits and patterns of the mind, but when it comes to anxiety, worry, and fear, we need to consider this little bit first.
Anxiety doesn’t come out of “nowhere.”
Something triggers it.
It might seem small… even insignificant… But, it’s not.
For example: It might be that whenever get a text from a certain person, a little bubble of anxiety rushes up.
Who knows how this started. It’s different for all of us.
Maybe they constantly scold you or stress you out with their drama when you talk to them.
Overtime, unaddressed; un-confronted…
This has built up.
Now, the pattern is stuck.
They don’t even have to be around. Just a little text. Or maybe just thought of them possibly texting can do it.
See how much trouble this can cause?
So, this is the first task..
This part is about specificity, not vagueness.
If you leave too much room for interpretation, the cleverness of your mind will find ways to express this pattern while tricking you into thinking you transformed it.
Like plugging the hole in a leaky bucket, but not noticing that it started trickling out of the other end.
That’s the major difference between ‘change’ and TRANSFORMATION.
There’s probably more than a dozen you can think of in a few minutes of quiet self-reflection, but start with ONE.
Overtime, you can stack on as many as you’d like.
Here’s questions to help once you’ve got something in mind:
- What’s going on around you when you get triggered?
- Where are you?
- Who’s around?
- How often does it happen?
- What are you thinking about, focused on, or feeling?
- When do feel it’s most likely going to happen?
Really pin-point what it is. How does it feel? What do you feel afterwards? Who’s it about?
The next part is dipping into the realm of imagination and creation.
This is about YOU getting very clear and detailed about who you wish to be, how you want to act (instead), or what sort of different thoughts you can decide to give energy to.
::BTW:: If you haven’t already, now’s probably the best time to grab something to write on or type in.
From my own experiences… If I only think about it, I’ll probably lose a few details by tomorrow morning. Then, the clarity slips.
When you write it down, you take the burden of perfect memory recall off your brain and allow it to focus on the transformative work.
Second, we make a plan.
We’re going to activate our imagination a little bit. So, let’s take a little DEEP DIVE for this part…
The Toltecs talk about our self-image (literally: the way we see ourselves) as a collection of Agreements.
These agreements were mostly made unconsciously though.
…And we started making them very early on.
An example often used is that of the little girl who would spontaneously dance and sing around the house whenever she felt happy.
One day, though, her mother was tired, exhausted, and frustrated about the overdue bills, the pains of adult life, and her over-demanding boss.
So, as the little girl came dancing and singing around the table, her mother shouted, “Would you cut that out?! Your voice is so terrible!”
And that was all it took.
In that moment, the little girl accepted those words.
She made one of her first agreements: “My voice is terrible. I can’t sing or I’ll make people unhappy.”
And, while it’s easy to pick on parents and all the awful agreements we’ve made because of them, this continues throughout our entire lifetime.
Our friends. Our teachers. Our peers. Our bosses. The media.
But, most dangerous of all…
Because as we grow up, our ability to design our own agreements about ourselves and others is also enhanced.
We also become really skilled at justifying these agreements.
We reason. We collect “proof.”
But, all along we forget this essential truth: We made up the traps we’ve gotten ourselves caught in. Consciously or unconsciously, we did it.
And no matter who’s to BLAME, there’s only one person who can take responsibility and change the game.
So, using your powerful imagination, you’re going to come up with a plan doe how you’re going to think, act, and feel INSTEAD when this trigger occurs…
An example might be…
Cause/Trigger: “When I get a text (“Hey, can we talk before the meeting tomorrow?”) from my boss, my chest tightens up, I get a lump in my stomach and I start thinking about all the bad things they might want to talk about. Was it something I did wrong? Are they going to make me feel guilty?”
New Action: “When I get the text (“Hey, can we talk?”), instead of thinking negative thoughts, I allow my curiosity to lead to action. I ask, “Sure, what about?” or if I see a text come in, before I see the contents, I simply ignore it until I need to look at it. Instead of worrying about what “terrible” things they might want to talk about, I ALWAYS activate the benefit of the doubt. I doubt it’s bad. I doubt it’s negative. Even it is always seems like it is. I choose a sort of intelligent naivety.”
Now, this is up to you.
The point is that you’re choosing an opposite reaction.
Every situation will differ, but the important lesson to take away here is that seeking clarity will lead to clarity. Seeking a response that satisfies your question leads to satisfaction.
One last hint before we continue.
A business coach, Heather, asked the group a really great question at one of our meetings. She asked:
“Do you get upset because of what was said, or done, or because you didn’t speak up, take action, or express opinion?”
We can swap out “upset” for anxious.
Of course, there are many reasons for anxiety. The point is to find that trigger for each circumstance, and use the process to alter the response.
Remember, this is only A and Z. Where you are now, and where you want to go (how you want to think, act, and feel instead).
And, now, we use the Pratipaksha Bhavana method to bridge the gap…
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